June 18th, 2002

do I know you?, skeptical/wry, wry, um


Ered Lithui. I'm in a crag somewhere in the Ash Mountains. Watching the rain. It's so very cold. Probably fever--I broke that ankle this time sliding down a rock-face and I think my leg is infected.

But I'm too weak for italics now. I should have fought and died in Barad-dur. And now I have no self-respect left. While talking to the one and only Dark Lord for the first time I already had visions of domestic bliss--of Sauron and myself, together with Samwise and Frodo, all living at Bag End in peace and harmony and it would all have been perfect. I know I'm not right in the head, really, and my heart's certainly not made for this world.

I hope the infection takes me sooner than later. It's getting colder, isn't it?
do I know you?, skeptical/wry, wry, um


All I do *does* go awry, doesn't it? And here I am, back in Bag End again like some chronic invalid, a burden on Sam's good will, when he's burdened with enough, it seems. I also abused his hospitality with my lowly urges--would that I had done what I set out to do and was no longer a bother to any one. And Frodo-lad is wandering the wastelands because of me, and Trotter's off trying to find him now, after setting out to try to find me. Would that I never was, the world would be better for it.

Well, I do have to get better now because there are promises I need to keep. And I fear that someone may need to look after my brother as well--I don't understand why he did what he did--I've always admired him for his remarkable restraint and surely that carried into all realms of his behavior. It's why he was the Ringbearer and I wasn't. Something must be terribly wrong, and I should look into it--I'm worried for him, quite frankly.

In other news, my mother came out yesterday. I'm so glad for her. I must remember to get her a set of rainbow rings, a labrys pendant, and a subscription to the Hobbit Advocate when I'm up and about again. Up and about again. The world would be better off if I wasn't, wouldn't it?