Letter to Lindon: MINOR ANNOYANCES: Bingo Bolger-Baggins
Tell me, dear, is it really wrong to want to kill someone brutally and without remorse? It can't be wrong, when it feels so right, can it? It's that Timulty nuisance again! But I do still have that card board box ready if she ever steps foot in the Shire again--so yes, I promise I will try that first.
I'm going to suggest two new laws for your father to decree immediately. One, the right to kill Timulty on sight if she enters the Shire. Two, a ban on all internet transmissions from Timulty in the Shire: that all messages from Timulty will be considered spam and Shire internet services will be required to block them. Does that sound reasonable? I thought so.
I trust you are having a lovely time in Lindon with your Elf. Has he noticed your eternal change yet? Are you remembering that you also need to eat to stay alive, dear? Just checking. (-;
I happened to see Trotter leading his party out of the Shire yesterday--they didn't see me. I couldn't speak--now isn't that surprising? But you know why.
I am adjusting. I have your visit to thank for that. And I had a nice chat with my cousin Estella and tea with your father and Frodo, so that all distracted me nicely. But I feel sort of grim and spoiling for a fight--you know how I get.
Please give my regards to your Elf and all his family at Lindon, especially the Lady Earwen, since I heard she is not long for these shores.
All my love,