July 16th, 2002

do I know you?, skeptical/wry, wry, um

Hiding Under the Covers: Bingo Bolger-Baggins

The last couple of days have been utterly exhausting. First, Elanor tried to host a little family gathering, which should have been just lovely, but almost turned into a blood bath. Then Samwise and I got into another argument, as we've been prone to do lately, but resolved it nicely at evening's close.

Then, just when I thought the next day should be a peaceful one, well, it wasn't. And I'm as much to blame for that as anyone, I suppose. But I couldn't help but feel for the Gamgee children when Frodo brought home that lovely little waif. Especially with Elanor and I being so close now. But I suppose I was over-identifying, and my getting all upset didn't really help matters for anyone. But I feel like whatever I do, Frodo never has a nice word for me these days, and its hard to approve of some of the things he's been up to as well, as much as I understand some of the things he's struggling with.

I did have a lovely dinner with my friend Erianthe. But then I stayed up part of the night making sure Samwise didn't off himself, which seems to be his standard over-stressed reaction. So worrisome! Hence, I don't know if I'll get out of bed at all today. So much stress! I feel so nice and snuggly here though.

But I am worried now about still not getting any messages from the DOMEACE office in the Misty Mountains. And I'm still worried about Ham and Trotter. I almost made the mistake of telling Elanor about their messages, and that would have just given her more worries about her family. Luckily I stopped myself in time.

And I'm feeling . . . well, I guess confused is the best word for it, I imagine. It's just that I went to bed last night with Samwise a little too much on my mind again, in ways that he really shouldn't be. And then I woke dreaming of the time Ham and I woke together in the meadow--its such a vivid image. Can one really love two people well and truly? Because I seem to be having that problem now, and it's making my heart feel a little too full.