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The Bastard of Bagshot Row
 
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Monday, May 19th, 2003

Time Event
8:00p
Decisions at a Circle's End: Bingo Bolger-Baggins
I feel as though I can't decide anything, really! Perhaps I'm trying too hard then? And yes, it is comforting to be with Folly and Melby here at Great Smials, as well as with Uncle Isengar, Tiger and Gramma Addy. And Grandmum and Halfast are coming by tonight. All these hobbits about! Still, I feel I need to go home to the Pantry Smial tomorrow if I'm to come full circle, but . . . I'm afraid. Afraid to go back. I simply can't.

Although I could ask someone to come along and sleep on the sofa, I suppose, that's still a temporary solution--eventually I need to be there on my own, alone with our things. It's just . . . it's not the same smial I came home to a year ago, and I don't want it to be, I don't want to forget . . . but I do need to move on. I just . . . don't feel ready. I'm not sure I can yet.

And Elanorelle. Time's slipping away. And I want to share every moment with her that she can spare. But I can't. You see, I need to have some place to come home to after I see her off, some place where I can walk in the door and say, "Well, I'm back." So I need to go home . . . but I can't. You see my dilemma, then?

Oh! Here comes Grandmum . . . .

Current Mood: initial angst-ya'v been warned

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