July 30th, 2004

sad ear, sad

Light a Candle; Make a Wish: Bingo Bolger-Baggins

I feel so very lost. I cannot believe this is happening. Not after all the promises, and what passed between us; it just cannot be happening like this. But it is; it is.

*stares at the ring on his finger* And yesterday passed, and not a sign of a'maelamin. The anniversary of the day he pledged to stay with me and I gave him my ring, the day I went to Mount Doom with him, and then held his dead body in my arms, even the same day I went to visit a Mr. Figment, for the first time, because he seemed to be in need. But nor was he here the day we were supposed to be legally bonded, the day he gave me this ring.

And the story has been the same for well over two months now. Rarely is he here. If it were not for my other friends looking out for me when I was a koala all the times he wasn't about, who knows what might have become of me? This same hobbit who asked me to have a child with him, no where to be found. No where.

*lights a candle on the table and sits down before it*

And it's not supposed to be his fault, I know it. His Writer will not let him be with me, yet made clear to my Mun the expectation for us to stay together--so very heartless! Yet . . . a'maelamin seems so untroubled by it all . . . so untroubled . . . as if nothing has changed . . . as if nothing is wrong . . . as if he cannot see me falling apart before his eyes. I do not understand it! Not at all! How can one understand what makes no sense? What shouldn't be? What shouldn't be at all.

*tears trail down his cheeks*

The moon is rounding tonight for his fullness tomorrow's Harvest Night. And I will watch it alone. Would that the fire take me.


I do not think I can go on like this.

I do not know what to do.

I do not know what to do.

*lays his head in his arms on the table and weeps*
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