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March of the Mumakling. Chapter 1. On Conspicuous Consumption: Bingo Bolger-Baggins

MARCH OF THE MUMAKLING

Chapter 1. On Conspicuous Consumption: Bingo Bolger-Baggins

[All the usual disclaimers apply. Some of the characters and places mentioned herein are based on those of J.R.R. Tolkien, though I hardly think he'd want them back when I'm finished with them, and as Bingo reminds me, he wasn't even wanted in the first place. Many images here are inspired by Jackson/Walsh/Boyen's film adaptation of LotR. There's no money in this, so don't even think it. I bet every kid would like to get paid for playing dolls, but life's tough. Credit lavendertook, if you will, because the following text and pictures are nobody else's damn fault, but my own.]



I, Bingo Bolger-Baggins, had been tarrying on Tol Eressea since I sailed West, so this is my first time in Aman proper, and it is quite lovely here. Not a midge anywhere, thank you very much. Though I have to say . . .



I have been a bit put out by the creeping commercialism in Eldamar, or the Eastside, as the locals call it. When I came to land in the Upper Eastside in Alqualonde, the talk was all about the brand new Crown of Morgoth Mall "where you can get a Silmaril for a steal, la, la, la . . ." and so it goes. Rubbish.



Of course, we hobbits are all about our mathoms, but mathoms tend to be small remembrances, not the overblown sort of conspicuous consumption some of the Eldar seem to be embracing nowadays. Thankfully, that's not the case on the Lonely Isle, for it would be quickly overrun with such heedlessness.



Everyone seems to blame it on the Noldor, a tendency I can, of course, sympathize with, and one that is usually sound. But if you want to know, it was the frantic Vanyar who nearly ran me over with their overloaded mithril-trimmed carts in the Swan Harbour Marketplace. So I don't think any Elf should be pointing fingers at any other this side of the Pelori. I do hope it’s a passing thing, this penchant for rampant consumerism here.



Except . . . I suppose there was this one advertisement that caught my eye. Radagast’s Pet Emporium. They find homes for stray animals there—you know Radagast’s tender heart.



And there I saw it, this picture of an adorable stray, and I immediately thought of Samwise . . .



. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Oh yes, where was I?



Now, I know my Sam's not here yet, and I don't know when lavendertook will fork over the cash to Sideshow, but it will be sooner than later, if I have any say in it a ship shall bring him hence, but I took one look in those sweet, soulful eyes and I knew Sam would simply adore her.



If I know Samwise Gamgee, he will be so delighted to see her when he finally arrives; I can just see it. So come see the dear and let me know what you think . . .



I ask you, could there be a better pet for Sam than an oliphaunt* well, no, there are many ethical problems, of course, with keeping Elves as pets? The Far Harad Dwarf Mumak, the breed to which she belongs, is quite uncommon.



You may observe that she is a yearling because she has her first adult tusk. Her second probably won't come in for another year or two, and it will be ten years before she has a full set. This mumak is slow-growing and long-lived, so whenever Sam manages the crossing, she'll be here. What do you think? She's quite sweet-tempered. Come see . . .


*H/T to Frodo and Sam of the Middle-Earth Sockpuppet Theater.

Click on any picture for enbiggenment.

To be continued . . . here.