This mathom is a picfic for lbilover, who knows the problem of which Bingo speaks, as do many others who share their homes with hobbit dolls.
Title: Out of the Box
Warning: Doll and character meta alert
Disclaimer: I'm borrowing Tolkien's characters. I'm not sure if he'd want them back after I'm done with them, but they're his'ns if his estate wants them.
SAM: I reckon it couldn't be finer weather for taking a walk on your birthday, Bingo-love.
BINGO: Yes, dearest. it is lovely. I'm glad you dragged me away form my writing. I was getting a bit bogged down and it is a perfect day for strolling around Greenbelt Lake.
BINGO: Wait! Oh dear . . .
SAM: Whut, love? Did you forget something?
BINGO: No, Sam. That sign . . .
SAM: This here entrance sign?
SAM: Buddy Attick Park. You've got something against good ole Buddy Attick?
BINGO: No! Certainly not.
SAM: Or what about "Buddy attacks!" I thought you liked it when the buddy attacking was me! *elbows him playfully*
BINGO: *chuckles* And I still do, silly! But I'm not talking about that sign.
BINGO: It's this one that frightens me. Further. Straight ahead. *stiffens*
SAM: Whu . . .
BINGO: The yellow one.
SAM: "Caution: Falling . . . "
SAM: " . . . Falling Limbs Possible."
BINGO: Oh, Sam. *shivers*
SAM: : Aww, Bingo, me dear. *squeezes him*
BINGO: I can't go on there, Sam. You know how prone I am to limbs falling off.
SAM: Ah, me dear, but your Sam is here with you!
BINGO: But Sam, I'm the third one! My right arm. You know what happened to the others . . .
SAM: Just walk with me, Bingo. It will be all right.
BINGO: But surely you remember that my first right arm came right out of the socket! We couldn't find a way to reattach it, try as we might.
SAM: I know, love. Let's go on over by that grand tree.
BINGO: The second body, the one she won at the online contest, had a crack in the right side on my shoulder, from the right arm socket to my chest. It's as if they're all Early Draft bodies. They don't want us to forget that Tolkien first wrote it was my "right side," not the left side, that the Nazgul stabbed in "From Weathertop to the Ford." *sighs* That's why I'm a leftie, you know. Unlike Frodo.
SAM: I know that! As if'n I couldn't tell you from all the Frodo's no other way, Bingo-love!
BINGO: But I was supposed to remain in the box, Sam. This was the third body that she got for me, half off on ebay.
SAM: I know, love, but she did decide 'twould be best to let the more fragile-like bodies rest, lest the loose arm get lost or broken to bits. And I'm right glad, too. There's no use waiting around in no box, is there?
BINGO: But here's the thing, Sam. Even this right arm is not all right. I can feel it's somewhat loose in its socket. If I'm not absolutely careful, it's just a matter of time before it falls off, too. Then what will we do? So, see, Sam? I can't go on there.
SAM: Yes, you can! Because you've got me.
SAM: See, if that arm breaks, you can use my body.
BINGO: Oh, Sam. You know I enjoy using your body on a daily basis in all the ways you like best, but what good would it do me if I were wearing it? Not to mention your dear self! It's certainly not the same! I need you beside me, dearest friend.
SAM: Beggin' your pardon, I don't mean it that way, love. You're forgetting there are 2 of me now! She went and got me half price, too, when she got you. You can use my spare body. We Gamgee's are made of sturdier stock, seemingly. I dunno why, but it's true. You rarely hear of any Gamgee's limbs falling off. We're right stubborn that way.
BINGO: But Sam! That body was supposed to stay in the box and be perfect.
SAM: Oh, what use has ole Samwise with being perfect! Besides, I don't want to stay in some friggitty old box, when you're out and about. That's just not what Gamgee's were made for! So if'n you need it later on, use it. It would make me right proud, it would.
BINGO: Oh, Sam. What would I do without you? I would be proud to wear your spare body, Samwise Gamgee. I love you so.
SAM: I love you, too, Bingo.
BINGO: Come on, let's walk then. I wonder if you would still have a kind of connection to your spare body, though, when I'm wearing it. I'm imagining you getting something like double scoop feedback when we make love. I'd very much like to make you feel that.
SAM: Your thinking is getting me right excited, Bingo Bolger-Baggins, and no mistake! Puts a whole new spin on "you and me together is more than either alone, " it does.
BINGO: I'm glad, Sam. Still, I am worried about my arm falling off during our walk today. I know you have a solution for me. All the same, limb falling is not a pleasant thing to experience.
SAM: If'n you'll just switch sides with me now, I might could fix that up, too, me dear.
SAM: There now, give me your right hand.
BINGO: It's yours, always.
SAM: Well now, me dear. Can you say any of your limbs had ever fallen when Sam Gamgee was holding it tight?
BINGO: No, no, I couldn't say that. Quite the contrary, really.
SAM: Then I'd say we've got the problem well in hand, me dear.
BINGO: You could say that, yes. *unzips jacket a little* And I'd say taking a walk with you, Sam, is always a rather stimulating experience well worth the risk.
SAM: Awww, Bingo-love. You needn't humor your old Sam.
BINGO: I'm most certainly not!
BINGO: You're just the very best mathom I ever got, Samwise Gamgee. And no matter how many birthdays I have, I'm never giving you up.
SAM: You better not, because I'm not going nowhere without you!
BINGO: Wherever you walk, so shall I, my dear hobbit. I love sharing my birthday with you. Around the lake then?
SAM: Aye, love. There's no better way I'd rather be spending a beautiful day than beside you.